


The Shoes Don’t Fit

by Gilove2dance



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Frottage, M/M, TATINOF tour but no spoilers, blowjob, dan has never ending sass about it, handjob, phil has big feet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 17:46:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8023231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilove2dance/pseuds/Gilove2dance
Summary: Dan tries to comfort Phil about Phil's "clown feet" when he can't get the new Nintendo Vans shoes he wants.





	The Shoes Don’t Fit

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: swearing, neck!kink, a teeny tiny bit of praise!kink, frottage, mentions of a blowjob but nothing descriptive really, established relationship, TATINOF (no spoilers)
> 
> A/N: what started out as a humour piece quickly turned a bit dirty (can they please keep their hands off each other for 5 minutes even??) I’m the worst at endings but I hope you enjoy and get a chuckle out of this. Cheers to [incaseyoufic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/incaseyoufic/pseuds/incaseyoufic) for reading this and pointing out the kink I didn't want to be in this so I could remove it :P
> 
> Based off of these tweets: [LINK TO TUMBLR POST](http://gilove2dance.tumblr.com/post/146046109048)

“Noooooooo!” Phil cried mournfully from where he sat on the hotel bed, his back propped up against the headboard and his legs stretched out in front of him. “Are you kidding me? It’s only been an hour.”

“Mmm?” grunted Dan. He looked over at Phil, whose expressive face was doing an accurate depiction of a puppy who had just been scolded for creating a mess.

“Vans. They just released their lineup of Nintendo shoes and they are already sold out of size 13 mens of the ones I really wanted.” Phil sounded really distressed so Dan did his best to bite back the smile that was threatening to break out across his face.

“Aah, well that happens.”

Apparently Phil didn’t want sympathy. “I think they only made one pair in that size or perhaps none at all. This is a conspiracy against big foot people. Big feet-ism.”

Dan snorted. “I don’t think Sasquatch would want Nintendo shoes if he even wears footwear.”

“Daaaaan,” Phil wailed. “It’s not fair.”

“Maybe they’ll restock?” Dan couldn’t fight it any longer and he let out a bark of laughter. “I’m sorry, Phil.”

Phil pouted and snatched up his phone again. “Maybe Twitter could do something about it.”

“Unleashing The Phandom on the poor unexpecting Vans servers? Cruel, Phil. Very cruel.”

“No, it’ll only send ten thousand or so. Now if you tweeted it,” Phil paused to smile good naturedly at Dan, “then the servers would crash.”

Dan made a face at him as he usually did to hide his guilt at being more apparently popular. “You know your followers are ridiculously protective of you.”

“True.” Phil shrugged and resumed typing out his tweet. Dan’s phone pinged a few minutes later to signal that Phil had posted the tweet. He opened up the app and smiled as the data numbers underneath already showed thousands of favourites and retweets. “Clown feet? Really? You are asking for it.”

“Hmm?” Phil was busy picking out replies to respond to.

Dan waited a couple minutes and then checked out the conversations to the tweets Phil picked out and grinned. “See? ‘You know what big feet mean though’...good response actually. Very funny.” Dan put his phone to the side on the generic hotel duvet and got up from his generic hotel bed to cross over to Phil’s bed. He sat, straddling Phil’s lap and took his phone from his hands, tossing it onto the other bed beside his own phone.

Phil smiled and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, pulling him closer.

“Mmm,” hummed Dan happily. “And I, for one, am very pleased with the results of your giant clown feet.”

“Daaan,” Phil scolded as he buried his face in the crook of Dan’s neck. Dan shuddered as he felt Phil press his lips there with a hint of tongue. Damn guy knew all his buttons. Dan shifted his hips forwards slightly and was rewarded with a soft bite on his tendon.

“Fuck, Phil,” Dan whispered and once again shifted forwards. Phil’s arms tightened, not letting Dan retreat this time. He licked a strip up Dan’s neck to his ear causing Dan to throw back his head with a moan, his fingers grappling for Phil’s shoulders.

Phil thrust his hips up and Dan grabbed Phil’s cheeks and roughly mashed their mouths together. He pulled back slightly with a gasp as Phil’s hands suddenly grabbed his ass. Phil carefully bit and pulled at Dan’s lower lip, just the way he liked and a low moan escaped. Seriously, thought Dan. Damn Phil for knowing how to play him. He so easily loses the upper hand.

The hands on his ass start pushing and pulling, moving Dan in the most delicious way against Phil’s erection.

“Yep,” moaned Dan. “Definitely love the results, ah, of the size of your feet.”

“You know, Daniel,” Phil pulled back from Dan’s neck, a smirk painted on his face. “Feet size being an indicator is a myth.”

Dan ground his hips down into Phil’s. “Feels pretty factual to me.”

Phil slipped a hand between them and deftly undid the button of Dan’s jeans. Dan let out a sigh of relief as Phil pulled his zipper down and slipped his hand into his boxer briefs. Phil’s hand was large and warm and Dan shuddered as it started moving along his length, squeezing gently.

“It’s been proven that hand size is more indicative,” Phil whispered into Dan’s ear.

“Well, ah, it’s good then that, fuck Phil, that your hands are also, shit, rather large.” Dan let out a low groan and started thrusting down harder on Phil hoping to make him even a slight fraction as wrecked as Dan was.

“I think you are trying to compliment me, Dan. You are stroking my ego.” Phil’s hand movements went faster and his other hand came up to weave his fingers into Dan’s hair and tug his head back, exposing the long column of his throat.

“I’d rather be stroking your dick,” hissed Dan, shuddering.

“Fuck,” whispered Phil before he bit down above Dan’s collarbone. Dan let out a whimper and bucked up into Phil’s hand. While the viewers thought Phil never swore, Dan knew Phil swore on three occasions: when he was in pain, when he was stressed, and during sex. As the later was the most frequent reason, fuck if Dan didn’t have an automatic response to Phil’s swears. One f-bomb and Dan would be sporting a semi and practically panting. Which wasn’t the best response when Phil swore because he had cut his hand badly with a kitchen knife.

“Dan,” whispered Phil heatedly. “You spaced out for a second there.”

Dan groaned. “You are gonna make me come before the good stuff happens. We haven’t even unleashed your monster cock.”

Phil immediately stopped his movements and pulled his head back from Dan’s neck to make an exasperated face. “Dan,” he whined.

Dan laughed. “Do you want to come in your pants like a teenager?”

Phil glared at him. “Unlike some people, I can exhibit some self control.” He quickly grabbed Dan’s knees and pulled, forcing Dan to fall back on the bed with a huff. Moving so that he was kneeling back on his feet, Phil pulled Dan’s legs over his thighs causing their hips to come crashing back together.

Moaning, Dan wrapped an arm around Phil’s shoulders causing Phil to fall forwards, their chests pressed tightly together.

“For someone who loves my dick so much, you are definitely hindering my ability to make it accessible.” Phil smirked and Dan groaned.

“I literally could care less right now, Phil. Dry humping is underrated. Just get me off.”

“You started it.”

“So you should finish it.”

There was a pause and then Phil surged forwards, thrusting his hips into Dan, his jeans providing an almost painful friction against Dan. Dan’s breathing was coming in pants and he buried his face into Phil’s neck, trying to mask the whimpers he was creating.

“So good for me, Dan,” moaned Phil.

“Ah, fuck, Phil,” Dan whispered. He could feel his orgasm coiling deep inside him.

“Come on, Dan. Let me make you feel good.”

Dan’s hips were bucking wildly up into Phil. “Phil, uh, no, fucking - ah!” Dan clung to Phil as his orgams raked through him. “Oh Phil.”

Phil snorted. “Really? ‘Oh Phil’?”

“Shut up,” Dan muttered. “I hate you. I’m only using you for the result of your clown feet.”

“That don’t fit into cool shoes.” Phil’s smirk turned into a toothy smile that was the reason behind the viewers’ literal-human-embodiment-of-sunshine analogy.

“Exactly. Can’t have you upstaging  _ my _ footwear.” Dan felt another wave of warmth rush through him as Phil threw back his head and laughed, tongue poking out between his teeth.

“No, we can’t have that.” Phil’s eyes crinkled with mirth and Dan’s heart clenched.

“I am sorry about the shoes, Phil.”

“Yeah, right now I have a more pressing issue that I know you can fix.” Phil rolled over onto his back beside Dan and pressed his palm against the bulge in his pants.

“Mmm,” hummed Dan in agreement as he moved to sit on Phil’s knees, his head hovering over Phil’s hips. “You know what they say about people with big mouths?” He grinned widely. “They give great blowjobs,” Dan purred as he slowly unzipped Phil’s jeans.

“Now that I can definitely say is not a myth,” gasped Phil as Dan started pressing kisses up his length.

“You are such a spork,” Dan chuckled.

“It’s a compliment, Dan. I’m now stroking  _ your _ ego, ah, fuck, Dan!”

\- A FEW DAYS LATER-

“You are the worst person in the world.”

“I’m sorry they don’t have your size, Phil, but I can’t not get them...THEY LIGHT UP.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Ending inspired by this tweet and event: [LINK TO TUMBLR POST](http://gilove2dance.tumblr.com/post/146533829163/phanscherryblossom-that-whore-phils)


End file.
